Another day of life

Hello dear friends!

Welcome to another chapter in the life of me! I am just so thankful right now for God placing people in my life. I am struck how the moment my life seems jam packed God gives me strength and the ability to give of myself in more ways as needs arise.

Today Fiona is one third of a year old. Only three months ago it felt like it would be forever before I was back on my feet again. My days were consumed with making sure the baby and I survived those crazy first weeks. Yet here I am - back to work full time, the occasional rehearsal, figuring out how to knit; today we even had friends over and I cooked lupper! 

You know what, I am truly blessed lately. I am grateful for every person who is a part of my life. Many of you are going through crazy times and hard times and sad times and it's okay... But don't forget there are people like me who want and love to be part of your life. That I by God's grace may be shown how to bless you and be a support for you as you all have blessed me in so many different ways. And also that people like me are human too, don't hold my vulnerability and my imperfection against me - I open myself to you because I want you to realize you are not alone and I am willing to risk being hurt if it helps me try to show you that I love you. You never know how God will work but He does care and he does have a future for you. 

Right now I am missing my nine brothers and sisters (and their wonderful partners and children) and pray that someday we will all come together again. I wish... they each could all read this and know how much every one of them means to me now. That I would do anything for them. How much I love them. And also I ask forgiveness - for those times I wronged you, whether it was teasing, or simply being selfish and blind... It is the people closest who know the best that I am far from perfect and in need of forgiveness. So here I am, tired with a sleeping little girl in my arms but thankful and a bit humbled. Time to call it a day.

An end to our waiting

I got all excited/nervous thinking "today was the day"... only to have the contractions die down once I laid down to rest. This happened a few times over the course of a week and a half.  So many sleepless nights and restless days as my body prepared for baby to make an entrance into the world on this side of the womb.  I don't remember having so much early labor with previous births, but it really proved wrong the common belief that labor and delivery are supposed to happen in a short amount of time... all that early activity (contractions, loose stools, waking up every hour to pee because baby's head was dropping into my pelvis and pressing on my bladder) was part of the long process - unfortunately it made it very difficult to rest or work and I ended up starting my leave Thursday June 19th only to not have baby show up a week and a half later.

So what led up to the arrival of our tiny package... after all this waiting?  Many tactics are thought to bring on labor: going on long walks, eating certain foods, sex, raspberry leaf tea; but in reality God only knows the baby's true birthday. Nothing worked until it was time. In the meantime, the house got cleaned, the garden got plenty of attention, and the older kids got to see more of me than ever.

On Monday morning, I woke up with more powerful contractions than ever. After all the false alarms I didn't want to get any hopes up, but monitored the contractions throughout the day. They started about 20 minutes apart and continued throughout the day as I went about my activities. After dinner I had enough of the kids and urged Katie (my stepdaughter) and Lydia (my sister) to take them on a walk to the playground. I ended up going on the walk as well, quietly breathing through every contraction. When we got back, we put the kids to bed and calmly informed my friends Amy and Jackie of my symptoms - they were about 8-10 minutes apart by this point. As they made sure their own kids were taken care of, I called Birth and Beyond and told Andrea - the midwife on call - that contractions were still about 7 minutes apart but different from previous contractions - now they were extremely strong, I had to breathe through them, and they seemed to be much more effective.  She suggested I try a bath - this time the bath didn't slow them down and it was difficult to get in a comfortable position to labor in while in our small tub. Andrea and Debbie, decided to go ahead and make their way over as well. Between about 9:30 and 10pm, everyone arrived, and once they were all settled, Mike and I retreated to our room to labor on our own for a while. It was painful and uncomfortable to lay down at this point, so I leaned over the bed with Mike behind me for support and allowed my bladder to empty regularly into a little baby potty. After one particularly strong contraction I checked myself to feel baby's head and close to full dilation as well as notice mucous and bloody show.

We returned downstairs where I labored by leaning over an exercise ball with Mike behind me with his hands holding my belly from sagging over my pubic bone (common issue with mothers who have had previous pregnancies), with one person holding each of my hands and my eyes locked on Amy's calm eyes. Amy put on Enya for background music. I was close to being terrified with each painful rush of energy but through focusing and deep breaths I was able to take one contraction at a time.  

As the baby descended into the birth canal I moved into an upright position, hugging my friend Jackie for dear life, everyone providing me with calm words of encouragement when needed, Mike still behind me, supporting me as well.  

After a bit my legs and joints started to get tired of laboring standing up so I moved to sit on the edge of the couch leaning back on Mike just as I got the urge to really PUSH. I started crowning but needed an extra bit of energy so pushed the baby's head back in to catch my breath, then after a deep breath I gave one long push, when I felt crowning I fought the instinct to fight against the pain and gave every last ounce of energy I had in one huge PUSH and the baby was out (1:04am July 1).

The midwife flipped her around to unwrap the cord from around her neck and body and then put her on my chest. I couldn't stop exclaiming, "It's a baby! It's a baby!" I asked "Is it a boy or girl?" and they said "you tell us". It was a girl! We immediately named her Fiona Joy, the name we picked out well before she was conceived.

After that they told me the cord had detached from the placenta during the labor and in the next 20 minutes or so we cut the cord, the midwife fished out the pieces of the cord, and eventually I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up. Fiona pooped a lot and got meconium ALL over both of us. I got extremely wiped out for a half hour or so while they made me nibble some food and sip water. They checked and weighed the baby (6 lb 10 oz and 20" long), made sure she started breastfeeding, and cleaned up, and then everyone left. We decided to sleep in our own bed rather than on the couch and after a couple hours of adrenaline rush staring at a sleeping baby we were all asleep.

The next morning when the children woke I brought them the baby and their expressions of amazement were sweet to a mother's heart! They were sleeping during the whole ordeal so it was a huge surprise! 

Elinor had us make up a "Mommy Daddy" song while we were expecting that went like this:

Mommy and Daddy

Love all their children

Katie and Derek

Elinor too.

Soon there'll be another

Maybe it's a brother

Or a sister

We love Baby too.

We had to come up with new lyrics... so the last part was changed to:

Now we have a sister

We love to hug and kiss her

Mommy and Daddy

Love Fiona too!

What a beautiful birth, I am thankful to God and to my support team and wonderful midwives, and glad everything went so well. Our family is now rejoicing in this new little one who warms our hearts with her sleepy smiles.

Baby - Last days

I originally estimated my due date a week later than the traditional estimate - I was pretty sure when conception took place. Looks like I may have been right, because by the traditional reckoning the baby was due last Tuesday and it is now the Monday after, the baby is still perfectly comfortable inside. I on the other hand am not so comfortable and have had pre labor for over a week now but nothing has progressed into the real thing. Baby's head is low and engaged, I have strong but irregular and not painful contractions, but little to no cervical changes have taken place. Sleep has gone from 1 wake up per night to every 1-2 hours. I know it's for the best and when it happens I have confidence in my body's abilities and God's timing for the delivery I am supposed to have and the reward at the end of the labor!.

Meanwhile I have been grateful and delighted to take a break from work and spend this time with my kids and my sister. 

How many kids are you going to have?

I have come to the conclusion that people have no right to ask a woman this question, especially in the context of when you're expecting your third.

Really though, who except God knows the number of children you will have? I certainly don't know, just as I don't know what my situation in life might be in 2, 5, 10 years. Some intend to have many kids and are given none or one.  Some say they never want kids, and that, also is personal to them.

No one should have to justify why they have or will have, a certain quantity of children. Most people just take children as they come with love - whether they "intended" or "planned" them or not.  To my mom, having babies was the natural and joyful thing to do with her life.

My children are integral to my life and I am both stressed and blessed by them.  Regardless of quantity, each child is precious, with incredible capacity to learn and become and teach. I am truly amazed at the miracle of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood!

36 Weeks

Good morning!
Last night we had another homebirth meeting and checkup.  I weighed in at 143 lbs and my belly measured right on at 35.5 centimeters. I brought Elinor and the look of excitement on her face was priceless as she heard your heartbeat. Sherri felt your position - you're head down but in the sunny side up position, which might explain why I feel your legs and arms pressing out on my belly all the time!  We went through an extensive overview to prepare for the birth, I couldn't help but feel emotional and happy as I listened and talked about these preparations.
We're planning to decline vaccinations and antibiotics but request the Vitamin K shot. I don't think we can fit a birthing pool in our little home so we're not planning a water birth. My kids will be home, Mike will be around, I'll have a close friend assisting and hopefully my sister will be able to make it in time. I'm really looking forward to having a low key, intervention-free natural birth in the setting I'm most comfortable in!

Baby - Week 35

Everyone in the office is predicting you're a boy, but still only God knows your form.  Your space is getting tighter every day - you move all the time and my belly gets bigger all the time.  I'm counting down the weeks and days until your arrival! You love listening to and moving around to music.  We spend time just feeling you move around every night while you and I settle into a comfy position to sleep.  Amazingly I have been able to get enough sleep most nights. I feel blessed to have a healthy pregnancy but I do look forward to getting my strength and range of motion back, be able to run again, most of all to be able to hold you and look into your eyes.  You'll be here sooner than I know it!

My garden is finally planted - I don't know if the wild animals and soil will allow it to flourish though, time will tell. Squash, lots of onions, garlic, broccoli, herbs, peas, beans, spinach, mint, parsnips.

32 weeks - Spring!

I can't believe how stretched out I feel.  I'm up to about 140 lbs and baby moves a lot all day long. I keep assuring myself that soon the baby will drop lower and merely fill up the space more rather than stretching my belly and pushing up into my ribs.  Checkups are every 2 weeks now.  Last week I had blood drawn and ended up with a horrible hematoma which is taking its time to heal.  This morning the kids hugged and kissed my belly before I left for work.  "Group hug! baby too!" said Derek.  I know they can't wait.  Neither can I!

Weather is a bit warmer and spring means a garden... Our new daffodils came up, bloomed, and faded. The kids love the violets and daffodils growing all over our yard (which I showed them are both edible).  We planted beans and peas already, and bought some little starter vegetable plants which we're nurturing indoors for another week or two until the danger of cold weather is sufficiently passed. Our little trees - apple, 2 cherry, and dogwood, are starting to grow baby leaves which we are excited and impatient to watch. Some of the garden plants are returning, mint, the green onions, parsnips (this was a surprise), and even some of the herbs are trying to re-establish themselves.  I even enjoy weeding - I could see myself weeding while in labor, you can get into all sorts of "opening" positions and it would be a good distraction.  

Enjoy a selfie by Derek and me at Tuesday night's rehearsal!

Here's to sunshine and patience!

Baby - 28 weeks

Welcome to the third trimester!! I've gained a total of 25-30 lbs at this point and moving faster than walking speed is impossible.  Here's the bump:

The proud big brother and sister:

 

Yesterday I couldn't catch myself fast enough to prevent getting a leg cramp first thing in the morning. The best prevention is to consciously not point your toe and stretch your leg at the same time particularly while you're semi-asleep. I stopped the immediate cramp by having my husband wake up and push my foot into the fully flexed position by pushing my toe toward my knee.  But the damage was done, now my calf hurts.

We finally purchased a second vehicle to accommodate our growing family.  It's a 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe, Limited, with 94,000 miles.  The downside is that it gets 16 miles per gallon on the low side for in-town driving.  But I think any 7-8 passenger vehicle would be comparable.  Many cool options though - heated seats, sunroof, leather, plastic mats underfoot, a pretty grey-blue-green-ish color, 3rd row seats, sound and cruise control buttons on the steering wheel, and the price point was manageable.  Still going to be using the Jetta as it gets better fuel economy but having two vehicles makes our crazy schedules a little more manageable!

Baby, 25 weeks

25 weeks, oh boy. or girl. I can't believe I still have 3 months left. We have a girl name picked out but I haven't found a boy name that I totally like. I feel like my belly is stretched tight as a drum.

We met the new midwife last week.  Not my favorite circumstances.  That day I was tired and hungry and under a lot of stress at work, had no one accompanying me to the visit, then to top it off in my visit I was asked to talk about PPD while I was already in an emotionally stretched state. Sigh.

On a lighter note I kept in contact with a lovely woman from a recent cloth diaper event and arranged to buy ALL her remaining cloth diapers for a real bargain.  Just add baby! I am excited to do cloth since we now have our own washing machine.  And these will have either snaps or velcro closures to make it easier.

Baby, 24 weeks

Hi baby! This week celebrates a huge jump in viability outside the womb! Yay!

But I know you are better off in there, every day gives you a better chance. 

Lately folks have been asking if you are a boy or girl. Well, we already have both, and this time we are trying out patience - so far no ultrasounds to again give you the best chance at being healthy. You will be our most crunchy baby yet! 

Tomorrow is actually our next visit with the new midwife, Debby. I have gained about 20-25 lbs and gaining maybe a lb a week. You are moving all the time so I know without anyone telling me that you are doing superb. I wake up and roll over, and feel you doing the same. You are clearly your own person and it's so exciting that you are both connected to and unique from me. 

I am learning a lot of preventative techniques. Avoid leg cramps by consciously flexing foot up before stretching in the pointed toe position. Avoid sciatic pain by good posture, stretching, and not throwing off hip alignment by sitting cross legged. Keep emotionally and energetically balanced through yoga, sleeping and eating regularly (sometimes I feel like I eat too much but I am so hungry I am sure it's fine!). 16 week countdown!

Now, if you can help me figure out a way to get more downtime...

Baby: Ups and Downs

Wow baby, this morning you're doing jumping jacks on my bladder! The last few days have been a rollercoaster.  We finally got in our prenatal visit Wednesday, after being rescheduled twice. At 20 weeks we weighed in at about 127.5 lbs and measured 22cm. Weight gain is slowing down a bit but I know you're healthy everytime I feel you doing your acrobatics.  Our next visit will be with the new practice, Birth and Beyond.
Wednesday night my gut emptied itself out at both ends.  Thursday we had more snow and I spent the day between sleeping and trying to rehydrate myself.  Friday was the same, I got cabin fever and tried to go to work but I couldn't manage it, did a small grocery run, came home and continued trying to recover. Everyone pitched in to tidy the house a bit in preparation for Saturday. Saturday was an emotional and physical rollercoaster in itself - Mike decided to subject us to a Directbuy presentation at their showroom.  It's a club where they give you access to order consumer goods and services directly from the manufacturer to give you better prices.  But it costs a LOT of money to join. It is really only worth it if you are buying a house or routinely buy a lot of big ticket items.  That's not us right now.  Maybe 5 years down the road, but even then doubtful.  Anyway it was intensely mentally stressful.  Our reward was a restaurant.com gift card and a very basic tablet PC. After 2 hours of this, we threw the children in the car and rushed off, grabbing a quick but not very healthy sub from Subway to eat and then meeting our friends at the movie theatre to watch the LEGO Movie in celebration of Derek's birthday (he turned 6 Wednesday). Great movie but it resulted in us wired and eating a lot of salty popcorn.  After the friends came over to our house, which was also fun but again took energy. By the end of the day we were all completely exhausted and emotionally drained.  The kids and I had meltdowns, at least theirs was fixed by a good night of sleep, I was not able to cope with getting up and going to church the next day. After everyone left for church Sunday I was able to calm down some with breathing and yoga, then spent the rest of the morning crocheting a hat for Elinor and slippers for Derek. A friend out of the blue offered to do a prenatal yoga with me one on one Sunday afternoon, Not coincidence... We played games and put the kids to bed, and went to bed early ourselves! So far, even though it was a slow morning, was able to get ready and make it to work - at this point that is a major accomplishment!

Here's a picture at 20 weeks (Elinor is the photographer):

Thanks

For kids that make up songs and sing

A man who gladly cooks

Pantry stocked with many a thing

And fascinating books

For warmth and shelter of a house

Comfortable clothes to wear

A brilliant wonderful man for a spouse

And children in my hair

If I am blessed who deserveth not

How thankful I must be

To Him who cares for this poor lot,

My family and me. 

Baby - it's Alive!

Hi baby,
Your current home is bigger than a melon and extends to my belly button now.  We're at 17 weeks (15 weeks of your life!). I weighed myself this morning - 124 lbs.  It amazes me how my weight can vary by 4-5 lbs over the course of the day and even how much water is lost overnight.  I sleep best in a cool room, however lately I make a cocoon for myself out of blankets and pillows because it is so cold outside - down to 9 degrees this morning and the ground is covered in white.  Over the last week I have spent a lot of time stilling myself and trying to see if I can feel you move.  I think I am finally starting to feel little movements - twitches here and there, or slow whole body movements as you shift into new positions.  In fact, you're moving now as I write - it's as if you can read my thoughts!  I love you more each day as you are formed and learn and grow!
Your big brother and sister are so happy and already trying to bond with you.  Derek comes close and tries to give you hugs and kisses. Elinor is so proud and tells everyone about your pending arrival.  Your Daddy and I want to be ready to give you the best start!

Baby - meeting your deliverers

Baby, sorry to shift you around so much. We found a great midwife who does prenatal care but does not do the delivery. This week I finally took the next step to look into transferring to a new provider. There are only a few midwives in the state who do home births. We went to an info meeting at Birth and Beyond and ended up setting up our first appointment in their new west hartford office for march. I am nervous as it's always tough to start over such an important relationship from scratch but it has to be done. My previous midwife moved into a community health facility in Bridgeport making the trek too inconvenient for us. I feel comfortable with the move, since the midwives at this new place are on the same page with regard to my desire to have a low key non intervention delivery. I hope you enjoy getting to know these lovely ladies while I am doing so. I am so excited to bring them along our storyline and on our team to bring you safely into this world. 23 1/2 weeks to go!

Quiet Christmas

This year we took a whole week off so we could visit folks in Rochester and Syracuse.  A friend of ours from church offered her home for us to stay in while we visited. The time was spent restfully, lots of friends, family, movies, and relaxing, also a fair bit of driving as we deposited Katie at her mom's for a few days and later picked her up.
Derek got a fever on Christmas day so we laid low for the next day as he recovered.  Took the kids sledding and Derek lost his nerve.  Elinor meanwhile went down the big hill several times bravely by herself.
We had time to visit with Aunt Nancy and my good friend Jackie.  The kids were enthralled by her wii and she lent them her Nintendo DS's which scored major points and kept the kids happy during all the down time over the next few days.
Sunday the kids and I worshiped in the church Mike and I got married in.  Spent the rest of the day chilling out at a friend's house.
Monday we visited with the extended family on my mom's side, played games and ate a lot of tasty food  The kids made their own pizzas.
Tuesday night we saw in the new year with Mike's family, all crowded into his dad's small (right-sized) house, it was a lot of fun.