Reduced Guilt Popcorn

Let's talk about expectations here. I set them high. I mean, Eiffel Tower high. For myself, that is. Now, my expectations for other people - well, let's just say I believe in grace. The kind of, "I will try to do anything you ask me to do, go out of my way to help you, and expect nothing in return" kind of grace. The "I don't want to inconvenience you" kind of grace. The "I believe the best of people, and am quick to forgive the occasion that seems to indicate otherwise" kind of grace.

I don't think anyone is trying to take advantage of me. More likely, they asked a number of people and I just happen to be the first to say "yes".

I can only focus on one thing at a time. I know when I am doing one thing, I am not doing another. I am in awe of people who say they are good at multitasking and work best under pressure. An image of the one man band comes to mind. How many one man bands do you know? Not many. I know a number of fabulous 20-60+ piece bands right in my community made up of many individual musicians, each focused on doing the best at their part they can. Ideally, the parts are doled out so no one part is beyond what that person can handle.

Do I have the courage to ask myself the hard questions of what I should realistically be expecting of myself? How I may prevent pressure or stress situations? How I may be intentional and selective to prioritize where I invest myself? Am I pretending I can do this all alone?

Sadly, I have to start replacing some yeses with "I will need time to consider it" or "not right now". I have been blessed with the ability to see needs around me all the time. In my heart I want to do everything for everyone to meet those needs. However, I am willing to admit I cannot and don't have to shoulder all these burdens by myself. I need to let go of the guilt I have been carrying from not being able to do everything I want to do and take joy in what little I can do.

I'm not a one man band; I am ready to learn what it means to live in symbiotic, complementary relationships with those I am honored to be surrounded by.

Trader Joe's sells "Reduced Guilt Popcorn": less salt and less fat than regular salted popcorn for a more wholesome snack. It's a good reminder that sometimes, less is more.

Seasons

Only a few weeks earlier I was doing all the things I wanted and needed to do. Working fulltime, nursing a baby, mothering three young children, teaching my stepdaughter how to drive, sharing the cooking, childcare and laundry duties. On top of that, I am active in church, I play trombone in a few groups, and I enjoy participating in industry association meetings. Not to mention my husband is a fulltime college student. All of the above I love to do. I'm not trying to prove anything, I have just had many opportunities to get involved in a wide variety of activities. And under normal circumstances, I am able to manage them all at once, and still get about 8 hours of sleep a night.

Then the tables turned. I caught a bug that was going around and got really sick and really weak. I got better, but not completely. When I tried to go back to work, I was weak and physically drained, leaving me without the strength to effectively deal with the more demanding aspects of my job while physically compromised.

As I write this, I have a renewed awe of people who have found balance in their life by simply saying "Not right now." I have a strong sense of loyalty and commitment, so I really do want to do it all. It is so humbling to find myself in a situation where even though I can walk and talk and look okay, I am still not there yet.

In a previous post I talked about how it feels to be completely helpless. This is really part two of that story. Because there is a season for everything, and recovery can be a long process.

Until next time: For some of you, I hope you are savoring your seasons of strength, peace and abundance while providing others hope and help to get them through the seasons of weakness, storms and need. For the rest of you, I feel greatly for your seasons of weakness, storms and need and hope you are able to find the hope and help to get you to a place of strength, peace and abundance.

Because I'm Happy?

Good afternoon, my dear friends.
Today's assignment is to write about things that make me happy.

When children are helpful without being forced.
Talking to people without reserve.
Meeting someone for the first time.
Figuring out something that didn't make sense before.
Talking to my husband before falling asleep.
An unmerited and unexpected kindness.
Watching my baby eagerly try to do things on her own.
Eating warm, fresh, delicious bread.
Connecting someone to just the right place/person/thing.
Making music that sounds amazing.
Dancing.
Singing.
A blissful yoga practice.
True love's kiss.
Reconciliation, forgiveness, being re-accepted by someone.
Being outdoors in the fresh air.
Laying in the warm golden sunshine.

And let's not forget - you ;)