Sloppy Language

Our speech is full of sloppy language. These are words that you would never find in a written conversation while they fill up the spaces when we are speaking out loud. The irony is that they often make our spoken words come across as either obscure, insincere, feeble, self-touting, or self-defeating. We use these words to soften the impact of our language and to give ourselves permission to say things we would be embarrassed to put on the record this way.

Please read through the following examples of some commonly used phrases. How do you think these words might come across as you use them? Do they help or hurt what you are trying to communicate? Are there appropriate times to use these? What are some alternates that we can use to intentionally improve our communication?

um = "I'm trying to recall/whip up the next thing I was going to say"

so = "I have more to say that follows a previous statement that better explains what I am trying to get across"

again = "As I/you/we already know or have previously stated," (whether the previously stated thing was said out loud or in the mind, to this person or to a different person)

and so on and so forth and what have you = "I could keep reiterating in a different way but I think you get the picture"

and this and that = "I should know enough to fully explain this to you but my mind is drawing a blank as to remembering specific details and facts, so fill in the blanks and trust that I know how to fill in the blanks when it matters more"

like = "similar to" or "expressed/said/acted out" "kind of" "To put it another way or explain,"

just = "sincerely, humbly" "only"

I think = "I'm not 100% sure and this is just my opinion, please hear what I have to say"

honestly = "you can really trust me, I really know what I am talking about, and I am about to share something you should find really insightful or juicy"

don't take this the wrong way but = "I'm about to say something I know is offensive, will likely hurt your feelings, so brace yourself because I still want to get it out there"

sorry = "excuse me" "Oh I just said or am about to say something I think is dumb" "I hope you don't think what I am saying sounds stupid/uneducated/misinformed" "I'm not certain about what I am saying"

you know = "I'm looking for confirmation that what I am saying is affirmed by someone other than myself" "this should make sense to you"

I don't know = "I'm not confident in what I'm saying" :"I'm guessing/approximating/filling in the blanks"

Can you think of any more I should add to the list? I'd love to hear from you!

Cross-posted on https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/sloppy-language-ruth-gay-cem-eit